Miscellaneous
Top Ten Lists

These are the shows and subjects that we liked, but weren't fascinated enough to do a whole ton of lists about. So below you will find a list or two on the following:

Scroll down or Choose a Subject:

• Doctor Who:Lists about, The British SF series
  
• The Monkees: A list about the sixties TV show.and rock group
  
• Deadly Games: Just the one list on the defunct UPN show.
  
• AOL: How to annoy a Tech
  
• Arizona Wildcats: Championship Basketball
  
• The X-Files: A Christmas List
  
• Tucson: Our Christmas Traditions
  
• Cows: Their Christmas traditions, What Cows Worry About
• Mister Ed: The first, but maybe more to come
  

DOCTOR WHO

Circa Early 1995
Top Ten Things Amblin Should NOT Do With The New Doctor Who
10) The Return of Adric
9) Completely dispense with cheesy special effects
8) Have the Doctor doing passionate love scenes with green skinned women
7) Alien speech with subtitles. It would ruin my illusion that everyone in the universe speaks English
6) The new Doctor with an Alabama accent
5) Pastel-colored Daleks, line dancing to Achy Breaky Heart
4) Anyone saying "Blobby" even once
3) A crossover with Spielberg's "Earth 2" (Then again... it might just work)
2) Rewrite the Doctor's history so that he's actually a human with a silly tendency to time travel and the Time Lord's are really the result of his overworked imagination (as were Adric and Mel). The only time the universe had actually been in danger was when he did something particularly stupid and now if Susan would only bring him some Lithium we can get on with the series.
And the number one thing Amblin should NOT do with the new Doctor Who:
1) Make David Letterman the Doctor with Madonna as his companion

"You can always judge a man by the quality of his enemies." The Seventh Doctor -- Remembrance of the Daleks

July 1995
Top Ten Things NOT To Bring To A United Whovians of Tucson Picnic
10) Friends that eat more than their weight in food
9) Video tapes (That's right! No televsion!)
8) Ice Sculptures
7) Spam
6) Pointed sticks (already plenty there)
5) Firearms
4) Cellular phones
3) Hair dryer
2) Valuable and delicate popsicle stick reproduction of the Time Lord panopticon
And the number one thing NOT to bring on a picnic:
1) Rain

"This is what the locals call a 'soft' day." -- The Doctor in Stones Of Blood

September 1996
Top Ten Ways The Eighth Doctor is Different From His Predecessors.
10) We've almost seen him naked
9) Not even on for an entire season
8) A tad indiscreet
7) Doesn't mind visiting the States
6) Completely misses all of the Master's jokes
5) Refuses to wear that scarf
4) Actually prepared to offer explanations to his companions
3) KNOWS how to french kiss
2) Not really eager to meet up with Daleks and Cybermen again
And the number one way the eighth Doctor is different from his predecessors:
1) Seriously considering hiring an interior Decorator

September 1996
Top Ten Ways To Tell If You're A Whovian
10) The only two episodes you still get confused are "Seeds of Doom" and "Seeds of Death"
9) You use the term "Blinovitch Limitation Effect" in casual conversation
8) You volunteer to answer phones for Public Television fund- raising drives AND make snide comments about Lawrence Welk
7) You are overcome with grief, or gales of laughter, upon hearing of Adric's death
6) You resent being called a "Whoverine"
5) You wonder why the Voyager crew doesn't simply reverse the polarity of the neutron flow
4) You buy "The New Adventures" even though you don't read them
3) You believe computers were invented to accomodate your Doctor Who activities
2) You've built or baked something in the shape of a police box
And the number one way to tell if you're a Whovian:
1) A firm religious belief in Regeneration

If you would like more information about the Doctor Who fan club, United Whovians of Tucson write to The Lord President or go to The UWOT Web Page

THE MONKEES

Winter 1995
Top Ten Reasons We Love The Monkees
10) Peter's hair
9) They had some really catchy tunes
8) Micky's unique imitations
7) Show funnier than the "Partridge Family," sexier than the "Brady Bunch," more plausible than "Gilligan's Island."
6) Mike's folksy attitude
5) Cult film "Head" stands up to repeated viewing
4) Davy's charming Manchester accent
3) Impressed with the way they burst out of Liverpool, took America by storm, changed the face of popular music and represented the concerns of a generation. Wait... no, no..... that's the Beatles. Sorry 2) The way Davy can make his eyes sparkle
And the number one reason we love the Monkess:
1) Wholesome alternative to drug addiction

"Well, it can't always be you, Davy." -- Peter ~Card Carrying Red Shoes~

Have a look at our Monkees Episode Guide. Or go to this home page or this newsgroup to further associate with people who love The Monkees

DEADLY GAMES

November 8 1995
Top Ten Reasons We Watch Deadly Games
10) Twelve-year-old mentalities (no insult to twelve-year olds intended)
9) Fond memories of Jackal as as cool Doc Brown in Back to the Future saga
8) Keep hoping Leonard Nimoy will make an appearance
7) Lots of death rays
6) Like watching famous people stoop to being guest villains
5) Detective Dorn... if they were considerate enough to add an interesting and amusing character, the least we can do is stick by it a few more episodes
4) Always end up regretting not taping genre television series the first time around
3) Stephen T. Kay as friend Peter... We're his devoted fans; don't even miss his Bud Light commercials
2) Well, it SOUNDED like a clever idea
And the number one reason we watch "Deadly Games":
1) Hoping against hope that Gus (that paranoid sexist jerk) will be destroyed by Jackal (the one guy lending a touch of class to the show,) in some excruciatingly painful way

"Don't give me right if I'm not right" -- Peter Rucker

AZ WILDCATS

March 1997
Top Ten Reasons The Arizona Wildcats Won the NCAA Championship
10) Lute does a hell of a lot more than just keeping his hair combed
9) Makes for a better chapter in that eventual hit movie "The Mike Bibby Story"
8) God Shammgod not really related
7) Wonderful "underdog" image projected by the media helped; put other teams off their gaurd
6) Bennett Davison can fly
5) Arizona can just run under those huge guys on the other teams
4) They've been perfecting that "No, I didn't foul him! I was in Nebraska" look
3) Eugene Edgerson managed to master the concept of the free throw
2) The Basketball gods are especially benevolent in Indiana
And the number one reason The Arizona Wildcats Won The NCAA Championship:
1) Simon says

AOL

February 1997
Top Ten Ways To Really Annoy An AOL Tech
10) Put them on hold
9) Complain that your computer can see you
8) Ask them for a date
7) Repeat everything they say and then do the opposite
6) Stay on line for twenty minutes and then realize the problem is that your password is Lestat not Dracula
5) Hum "Kalmar & Ruby" tunes
4) Ask if they have different flavors of modem strings you can use
3) Eat a whole can of Pringles while you're talking to them
2) Don't tell them what you really see on the screen; make stuff up
And the number one way to really annoy an AOL Tech:
1) Call

"Click on the "I'm an idiot" button to solve your problem." -- Anonymous AOL Tech

X-FILES

Christmas 1995
Top Ten Things Mulder Finds Suspicious About Christmas
10) Santa is everywhere; clones?
9) Carolers
8) Reindeer? Or UFO sighting
7) Eggnog
6) FBI Office Party
5) Virgin Birth
4) Makin' a list, checkin' it twice; sounds like a conspiracy
3) No Bob Hope Christmas special this year
2) Salvation Army Bell-Ringers
And the number one thing Mulder finds suspicious about Christmas:
1) Scully suddenly giving him presents

"Trust no one."

TUCSON

Christmas 1996
Top Ten Christmas Traditions In Tucson
10) Decorating cacti... carefully
9) Painting Christmas Wreath at Broadway/Wilmot Intersection
8) Impeaching the Governor (An Arizona Tradition)
7) Holiday Bingo at the Tohono O'Odham Reservation
6) Line-dancing to Christmas Carols
5) Sun-bathing
4) Explaining to Santa that he can't go into biosphere 2
3) Adding jalapenos to the fruit cake
2) Sittin' in our pick-up trucks, drinkin' beer and waitin' for reindeer to fly over
And the number one Christmas Tradition in Tucson:
1) Pretending it might snow

COWS

January 24th 1999
Top Ten Things Cows worry about
10) Calves on steroids
9) Barbed wire
8) Snow drifts
7) Farmer insisting on Skim Milk. Don't know how to make it.
6) Cud - Chewing it right?
5) Plans for world conquest
4) Too many Bossys in the phone book
3) Not enough Bulls
2) Too many Texans
And the number one thing cows worry about:
1) Alien vivisectionists

December 1995
Top Ten Cow Christmas Traditions
10) Trying to fly in case reindeer go on strike this year
9) The celebrated Cow Feast
8) Freezing to death in snow drifts
7) Jingle Cow Rock
6) Encouraging Christmas Ham sales
5) Cud wreath
4) Giving Eggnog
3) Sneaking four or five extra cows into Nativity display
2) Cow-oling
And the number one cow Christmas tradtion:
1) Bungee jumping

"Cow-abungee!!!"

DONALD O'CONNOR

March 17th 1999
Our Top Ten Favorite Lines in Donald O'Connor's Films
10) "Vampire!"
9) "It's whimsical, Leland"
8) "I find myself not caring"
7) "Well, Mom, Latin and I are finally on speaking terms"
6) "Hello, fellas my name is Donald O'Connor, now there'll be a slight pause for everyone to look at each other and say 'so what'"
5) "That's just a sample of the work done on this machine"
4) "Okay, you're a cab"
3) "Francis, is a mule, he talks to me and when he talks to me, even in his silliest moments, he makes more sense than you do"
2) "Ooooh, you tinkled"
And our number one favorite line in a Donald O'Connor film:
1) "I used to have an ass like that"

Our Donald O'Connor web page
http://muppetlabs.com/~davidj/tnt/oconnor/donald.htm

Mister Ed

05/14/1995

Top Ten Ways To Tell If You're a Mister Ed Fan
10) You can say "Wilbur" with just the right inflection
9) You know which Mister Ed scenes were used in more than one episode
8) Actually somewhat surprised to hear the word "sucks" in a sitcom
7) You know all the words to "Pretty Little Filly"
6) Heated debates over which were the best neighbors: The Addisons or the Kirkwoods.
(Naturally it was Kay and Roger - T. No, no. It was Winnie and Gordon. - T)
5) Feel compelled to say 'of course' twice (of course)
4) You know the answer to the question, "What can Carol do that Ed can't?"....Sew, of course (of course)
3) Was a time in your life when you couldn't decide between being an architect or being a horse
2) You know the Post's address and phone number
And the number one way to tell if you're a Mister Ed fan
1) You're not surprised when your horse talks to you

"You know I only talk to you, Wilbur." -- Mister Ed

—Mister Ed Fans Holler, but they don't hit.—

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David Letterman is perfectly free to claim Top Ten Lists as his intellectual property, as far as we're concerned. Bless his heart!