MACGYVER
TOP TEN LISTS

MacGyver's Top Ten Christmas Hints
10) Duct tape wonderful for getting lopsided trees straight in their stands
9) Discarded computer parts make neat ornaments
8) Christmas baking is best done by hand, (robots drop the eggs)
7) Don't do your shopping on Christmas Eve. (Okay so that's a good hint from anybody)
6) Remember not to let Jack Dalton drink and fly
5) Clean socks before hanging them over the fireplace
4) Call and remind Pete to put that mistletoe up at the Phoenix Christmas party
3) Have Swiss Army Knife and creatively discovered insulating material ready in case Santa and Reindeer get tangled in telephone wires
2) Turn off the radio so the depressing "I'll be home for Christmas doesn't come on. Put in tape of much more upbeat "Grandma got run over by a Reindeer."
And MacGyver's number one Christmas Hint:
1) Don't invite Murdoc for the Holidays (He never can get in the Christmas spirit)

"This Christmas stuff gets a little sappy after awhile." MacGyver -- The Madonna

Top Ten Things Richard Dean Anderson Wanted For His Birthday But Didn't Get
10) A day without aftershocks (sorry - Earthquake humor)
9) Movie tickets to see Tombstone (that Kurt Russell version)
8) Swiss Army Knife (really, had to leave them all behind because the show claimed they were props)
7) Jay Leno to stop trying to fix him up with blind dates
6) Tape of General Hospital 30th Anniversary special (doesn't know he wasn't in it)
5) Nostalgic tour of Vancouver
4) L.A. Kings to win on Jan. 24th (close, but just a tie)
3) Argyle socks
2) ABC to finally put on the MacGyver movies
And the number one thing that Richard Dean Anderson wanted for his birthday, but didn't get:
1) A really hot new series, starring himself, with great writing and directing, wildly entertaining. (Or was that what we wanted?)

"Most people go out and work for a living, instead of dragging their friends from one disaster to another." MacGyver -- Unfinished Business

Top Ten Things MacGyver worries about
10) Pete bugging him about getting a haircut again
9) Bean sprouts in the fridge changing color
8) Swiss Army Knife; what is THAT attachment for?
7) Yellow truck needs new muffler
6) Does life really exist on other planets
5) Committment
4) Friends may find out what his first name is
3) Will makeshift rewiring to get VCR timer to work hold long enough to record six Bonanza episodes while he's gone
2) Getting a call from Jack Dalton
And the number one thing MacGyver worries about
1) Forgetting exactly where he lives right now

"Typical. Just when you're getting ahead, someone changes the odds." MacGyver -- Pegasus

Pete's Top Ten Complaints About MacGyver
10) Other Phoenix operatives jealous because Mac is part time and still gets the best assignments
9) Keeps bringing up that story about the camel
8) Has some really weird friends
7) Health food kick sometimes very annoying
6) Makes climbing up ropes seem so easy
5) Plays old Dark Shadows tapes at office parties
4) Keeps forgetting to submit change of address cards to Phoenix records department
3) Makes jokes about DXS
2) Isn't really trying to understand Pete's passion for golf
And Pete's number one complaint about MacGyver
1) Where does he get off being so darned good-looking

"Don't thank me. I was born a warm and wonderful human being." Pete -- The Gun

Top Ten Ways Mac's Friends Bite The Big One (Quiz)
10) Shot to death by bad guys (most common)
9) Hit by a truck
8) Colombian necktie
7) Sucked into a bog
6) Blown up while defusing a bomb
5) Blown up while Mac is defusing a bomb
4) Drinking and driving
3) Accidentally shot
2) Slipping off a mountain and having climbing gear break
And the number one way one of Mac's friends Bit the Big One:
1) Eaten alive by ants

Can you name what episodes the above items refer to and the names of the
people who died in each? Multiple answers to #10, of course.

Warning: Top Ten Deaths Answers ahead

Top Ten Ways Mac's Friends Bite the Big One - Answers
10) a) Anthony Braddock - DOA MacGyver
b) Tony Sullivan - Three for the Road
c) Prof. Willis - Ugly Duckling
9) a) Nikolai Grodsky - Thief of Budapest
8) a) Booker - The Challenge
7) a) Willis - The Wasteland (Okay, not really, he lived and sensibly left the episode before the second act)
6) a) Charlie Robinson - Countdown
5) a) Earl - Prometheus Syndrome
4) a) Freddie Mapes - Twenty Questions (Retrospect)
3) a) Jessie - Blood Brothers (Retrospect)
2) a) Mike Forrester - The Widowmaker
And the number one way one of Macs friends bit the big one:
1) a) Dr. Charles Alden - Trumbo's World

Top Ten Reasons Murdoc Is Not In MacGyver's New Adventure
10) All booked up; assassination in Guam, murder in Saigon, helping out with some smuggling from Cairo to Germany. Just couldn't find a moment
9) Worried that MacGyver might look younger than him
8) Heard it was being shown out of order
7) Plastic surgery sagging a bit; have to get some nips and tucks
6) Between jobs; have money; time to party down
5) Afraid Jack Dalton might be in it
4) Broadway musical "Cleo Rocks" really taking off
3) Villains in "Indiana Jones" type films tend to die in rather gory and much more final ways than those to which he's accustomed
2) Could not think of a hairstyle he hadn't used in the previous confrontations
And the number one reason that Murdoc is not in MacGyver's new adventure:
1) Waiting to see if that Clinton Health Care Plan will cover him

"Y'know, MacGyver, that's why you're so hard to beat. Nobody knows what you're going to do next, including you."Murdoc -- Halloween Knights

Top Ten Reasons Penny Parker Is Not In MacGyver's New Adventure
10) Well, you see she had this part in a play, only it wasn't really a play, more like a commercial, and she had to go Atlantic City because the Producer wanted to talk to her, but not about the play, and of course whenshe got there... Anyways, she just couldn't find the time
9) Worried that MacGyver might look older than she remembered
8) Busy delivering a singing telegram
7) It's not easy to play that dumb for an entire two hours
6) Mac's cute, but he can't leap tall buildings in a single bound
5) Afraid Murdoc might be in it
4) Starring in that successful Broadway musical "Cleo Rocks"
3) Getting her degree in astrophysics
2) "Treasure of Atlantis" requires ocean travel; bad flashbacks to mermaid days on Love Boat
And the number one reason Penny Parker is not in MacGyver's new adventure:
1) Still waiting for Mac to get over that problem with committment

"I was to slow coming out of the esophagus, wasn't I?" Penny Parker
-- "Cleo Rocks"

Top Ten Jobs Mac Has Held While Undercover Or In His Spare Time or Asleep (Built In Quiz -- Name The Episode)
10) Tow truck driver
9) Burglar
8) Caterer
7) Rancher
6) Race car driver
5) Spy
4) Clockmaker
3) Taxi Driver
2) Hockey Coach
And the number one job that Mac has held while undercover or in his spare
time or asleep:
1) Computer Hacker

Warning: Answers to Job Quiz below

Top Ten Jobs Mac Has Held While Undercover Or In His Spare Time or Asleep (Answers)
10) A - The Prodigal
9) A - The Heist
8) A - Halloween Knights
7) A - MacGyver's Women
6) A - Collision Course
5) A - Everytime She Smiles (in his spare time)
4) A - The Assassin
3) A - Partners
2) A - Thin Ice
And the number one job has held while undercover or in his spare time or asleep:
1) A - Deep Cover (Jenny's Chance "strictly into hardware")

"Just setting up a program here. It's very complicated stuff." MacGyver -- The Wall

"I do what I do the way I do it." MacGyver -- The Prodigal

Top Ten Reasons We Will Continue to Post Top Ten Lists About MacGyver and Kung Fu, And Whatever Other Shows Strike Our Fancy, to the Rec Arts TV Newsgroup
10) Mac; a fine looking fellow
9) Master Po; a real comedian
8) Haven't done "Mac's top ten embarrasing moments" yet
7) Can't take eyes away from Kung Fu: The Legend Continues. Kind of like a bad road accident. Screams for top ten lists
6) Wednesday night set aside for writing Top Ten Lists; hate to disturb the routine
5) Haven't even done a top ten list for Jack Dalton yet
4) Haven't done "Top Ten Reasons Kwai Chang's Brother was avoiding him" list yet
3) Really like "MacGyver"
2) Really like "Kung Fu" (the original. Still not sure about this New Age Kung Fu.)
And the number one reason we will continue to post top ten lists:
1) Hoping it will annoy one of those fellows who like to denigrate the shows we enjoy.

"This is the thanks I get for cutting my friends in on a golden opportunity.
Imagine my chagrin." Jack Dalton -- Unfinished Business

MacGyver's Top Ten Treasure Hunts (Quiz)
10) Sunken Spanish Galleon
9) Money stolen by Jack's relative
8) A collection of jewelry (that could feed the poor of twelve nations or something ridiculous)
7) A Native American artifact
6) Gold from a downed joint Soviet/American flight
5) A temple with artifacts of all the earth-loving really nice female type cultures
4) A really big piece of jewelry with 3000 blue and yellow diamonds
3) Wheat or grain of some sort
2) A blue sapphire (possibly brought to earth by a meteorite)
And MacGyver's number one treasure hunt
1) A pendant that looked more like a large ugly brooch

Name the episode in which each of these treasures appeared.

"Ah shucks, I guess this means I won't have time to do any shopping."
MacGyver -- The Golden Triangle

Warning: Answer to Treasure Quiz below

MacGyver's Top Ten Treasure Hunts (answers)
10) a - Pirates
9) a - Jack In The Box
8) a - The Odd Triple
7) a - Mask of The Wolf
6) a - Gold Rush
5) a - Legend of the Hoy Rose
4) a - The Black Corsage
3) a - Treasure of Manco
2) a - Eye of Osiris
And MacGyver's number one treasure hunt
1) a - Harry's Will

"Bud, I'd teach Cody myself, except that I died. Your lesson at center. Four
notes side by side." Harry -- Harry's Will

Top Ten things I Disliked about The Lost Treasure of Atlantis
10) The way Mac always gets suckered into silly adventures by stupid friends
9) The bad guys never just shoot the hero
8) The Royal Academy ever hiring an airhead like Professor Atticus
7) The complete disregard for careful scientific handling of any antiquities
6) That ark; where'd they really get it? K-Mart?
5) Ancient greeks knew nothing of magnetism or the Copernican theory or gravity or....and the Athenians invented Democracy (allbeit sexist)
4) Kelly's grandfather essentially useless. Been much more dramatic if they'd actually killed him
3) Sure, we can see all them planets, without the aid of a telescope and all perfectly in focus. I've left my disbelief suspended so long, I may as well consider it expelled
2) Insanely predictable. What'd they do take "The Legend of the Holy Rose" script and have a computer spit out some random changes?
And the number one thing I disliked about The Lost Treasure of Atlantis:
1) For five solid minutes, in the caves of Exeter, my local station displayed the Power Ball lottery numbers. (That was an Extra High Grade Tape, recording on SP. I'm a collector, darn it. Heads will roll! @!#$^%^&*()..)

"I hate when that happens." MacGyver -- The Lost Treasure of Atlantis

Top Ten Things I Liked About The Lost Treasure of Atlantis
10) That exasperated expression Mac gets whenever he realizes he's doing something stupid because of his silly friends
9) Pretty explosions
8) Mac dragging Professor Atticus around with the chains
7) The Royal Academy having the good sense to not finance Prof. Atticus' silly scheme
6) Wonderful London scenery in Mac's chase of the little Greek guy. Especially liked the ending shot of Mac on the stairs with Big Ben in the background
5) Professor Atticus' office, faintly reminiscent of Prof. Higgins' office in "My Fair Lady", and also one of the few that makes mine look neat (I am wondering how that fellow expected Atticus' to "clear out" his office in anything under a month.)
4) Second "Doctor Who" crossover in MacGyver's history. (Brian Blessed [Atticus] played Yrcanos in "Mindwarp" sixth Doctor era.) Third "Doctor Who" crossover, if you count the oft used rock quarry
3) Liked the spinning coin suspended in mid-air in that unlikely magnetic coil
2) Volcano interior brings back cheerful memories of Murdoc's little set-up underneath the theater in "Cleo Rocks" (Same writer)
And the number one thing I liked about The Lost Treasure of Atlantis:
1) Mac's hair; fluffy, blondeish and just the right length. Hairdresser obviously Gekko's best investment (Oh yeah and I like the production symbol for Gekko too.)

"So, whose side are you on now?" MacGyver -- The Lost Treasure of
Atlantis

Top Ten Things To Do Since Mac Is Not On This Month
10) Research Swiss Army Knifes to find out which one is just right for you
9) Build a plane in your living room
8) Get around to studying that "Cooking With Tofu" book
7) Find really neat Hockey game for computer
6) List reasons why American Gladiators is so bad
5) Have a friend drop by with some wild story of ancient treasure. Let them talk you into helping them and get into lots of trouble finding something which you'll decide is just best left buried anyway
4) Watch O.J.'s trial (if you're really desperate)
3) Stick in a tape of an old western, fall asleep and have really wild dreams about living back in the old west
2) Put in tape of favorite Mac episode. Post detailed critique of it to the Mailing list
And the number one thing to do since Mac is not on this month:
1) Complain

"Ah shucks, I guess this means I won't have time to do any shopping." MacGyver -- The Golden Triangle

My Top Ten Favorite MacGyver Quotes (Only things Mac said. I mostly like these because they're good for sticking at the end of letters and Top Ten Lists.)
10) "Bond, James Bond." -- The Heist
9) "I think I should get an unlisted phone number." -- Trumbo's World
8) "Some folks might see the humor in something like this. I don't happen to be one." -- Jack of Lies
7) "That's Murdoc. He's not your normal professional killer." -- The Widowmaker
6) "It never hurts to get a little culture in your life." -- Cleo Rocks
5) "Why let a little thing like this ruin a perfectly good vacation." -- Easy Target
4) "Just setting up a program here. It's very complicated stuff."-- The Wall
3) "You know I'm not real big on doing favors for professional killers." -- Halloween Knights
2) "Bold and nosy. I'm famous for that."-- Tough Boys
And my number one favorite MacGyver quote:
1) "Most people go out and work for a living, instead of dragging their friends from one disaster to another." -- Unfinished Business

"I've got something to say about all of this....and, I'm going to bed."
-- MacGyver's Women

My Top Ten Favorite Murdoc Quotes
10) "In this game we play, close doesn't count."-- Partners
9) "But I only miss once." -- The Widowmaker
8) "I am not mad; just very, very determined." -- Cleo Rocks
7) "When you look like I do, one learns to welcome the dark." -- Cleo Rocks
6) "Y'know, MacGyver, that's why you're so hard to beat. Nobody knows what you're going to do next, including you." -- Halloween Knights
5) "Sorry you have to miss the party, old boy, but you're all tied up." -- Halloween Knights
4) "Why don't you say your prayers now. That is, if you can remember any." -- Strictly Business
3) "I decided to be all that I could be." -- Obsessed
2) "It appears that the military look is in. Of course, I have more accesories."-- Obsessed
And my number one favorite Murdoc quote:
1) "If I had some duct tape, I could fix that." -- Strictly Business

"Don't worry, MacGyver, you'll see me again. Just keep looking over
your shoulder." Murdoc -- Halloween Knights

Top Ten Similarities Between "MacGyver" and "Quantum Leap"
10) Mac and Sam both really smart (if it wasn't for that swiss cheese brain effect, I'd give Sam the edge here)
9) Mac and Sam both small town kind of guys. (Advantage Mac, who actually lived in a town, while Sam lived on a farm)
8) Mac and Sam both have a problem with committment (Yeah, I know Sam changed history so he was married, but it was very suspicious that that was one of the items he was always sure to forget)
7) Mac and Sam both surprised to find out they had a child (Not together, obviously)
6) Boy meets girl, boy gets in trouble, boy gets out of trouble, boy loses girl. (Remarkably similar formula)
5) Mac and Sam both had a brush with Big Foot (Sam was a little closer with an actual sighting, rather than a "hearing")
4) Both shows got a little desperate in their last season
3) "Ghost Ship" "Blind Faith" (Same episode titles)
2) Mac and Sam both had older, more experienced boss/partners. (Definitely advantage Sam here. His sidekick was much better looking)
And the number one similarity between "MacGyver" and "Quantum Leap"
1) I watch them (Down, Ego, down!)

"It never hurts to get a little culture in your life." MacGyver -- Cleo Rocks

Top Ten Reasons MacGyver's Seventh Season Was Not Quite Up To Snuff:
10) Mountain of Youth temporarily mislaid ("First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is.")
9) Mac's new neighborhood induced a gag reflex
8) Revelation of Mac's first name anticlimatic
7) Dent hard to take the third time
6) Mac hanging out with overabundance of weird old guys
5) No Penny Parker episodes
4) Coltons series not successfully spun off
3) Some really preachy shows in there
2) Murdoc didn't wear traditional cool black outfits
And the number one reason MacGyver's seventh season wasn't quite up to snuff:
1) Eight episodes short

"I decided to be all that I could be." Murdoc -- Obsessed

Top Ten Ways To Tell MacGyver and Magnum Apart
(USA apparently has some difficulty with this, as they once listed Magnum P.I. in the time slot where MacGyver is actually airing.)
10) Mac moves a lot, but spent most of his time on a houseboat (Bad deal - It burned down); Magnum lives in the gatehouse on Robin Masters estate (Good deal - Free Rent)
9) MacGyver works for the Phoenix Foundation (Big bucks) Magnum self- employed (good thing he has that free rent)
8 Mac discovered he has a son by a woman who didn't think he could handle the commitment; Magnum discovered he had a daughter by a woman who didn't think she could handle the commitment
7) Mac's friends, Penny and Jack, keep getting him in trouble; Magnum's friends, TC and Rick, help him with difficult cases
6) Mac likes Hockey; Magnum likes Baseball
5) Mac rented himself out to the army for bomb defusing; Magnum was with Navy intelligence
4) Mac's chubby friend, Pete, American as apple pie; Magnum's chubby friend, Higgins, British by way of Texas
3) Mac lives on the east side of the Pacific; Magnum somewhere in the middle
2) Mac hates guns; Magnum named after one
And the number one way to tell MacGyver and Magnum apart:
1) Magnum's the one with the moustache

"Can't talk you into a haircut, can I?" Pete -- The Negotiator

Top Ten Occasions On Which MacGyver Likes to Pretend He's Dexter
10) Scamming loan sharks with fake betting operations
9) Waiting for his plane at the airport
8) Jack's Birthday
7) Science Fiction Conventions
6) Infiltration of the operations of people who swipe submarines
5) Halloween (scares the hell out of the neighbors)
4) Guest spots on Leno's Tonight Show
3) Anytime the DXS calls
2) Buying, trading and selling baseball cards to crooked dealers
And the number one occasion for which MacGyver likes to pretend he's Dexter
1) Blind dates Pete sets him up on

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Quit it!" Dexter ~Jenny's Chance~

MacGyver's Top Ten New Year's Resolutions
10) Stop pirating videos of classic westerns
9) Catch Murdoc this year
8) Fight for some environemental issue or other
7) Find favorite Swiss Army Knife; lost in couch
6) Label everything he packs... next time he moves
5) Return overdue library book... "A Hundred Ways To Overcome Procrastination"
4) Watch Penny Parker's latest acting effort; something about a reporter and a super hero
3) Never tell silly camel joke to Pete again
2) Take a nap and dream of being in the old west and going by the unlikely name of Nicodemus Legend
And MacGyver's number one New Year's Resolution:
1) Make a commitment

"All those women in your life and you nver learned a thing, did you?"
Mike -- The Widowmaker

Murdoc's Top Ten Murders (True or False)
10) Assassinated a priest during Mass
9) Threw a knife ten yards into a DXS agent's back
8) Tossed a hand grenade on top of a guy who had just fallen into a snake pit
7) Forced his hapless victim to watch Baywatch for forty eight consecutive hours
6) Strangled a guard at a junk yard
5) Booby trapped the briefcase of a slimy district attorney
4) Put in the low bid for a contract on a certain South American dictator. All he had to do was slip a little digoxin and quinobarbitol into the vintage wine
3) Blew up an innocent cab driver who looked very similar to Jack Dalton
2) Just to leave Mac a note, he knifed a theatre owner (that and the guy was questioning the expense account)
And Murdoc's number one murder:
1) Took out the entire HIT board with one well placed incendiary device (plastic)

"Murdoc, if this is another one of your games, let's get on with it."
MacGyver -- Halloween Knights

Answers to The Murdoc True or False Quiz - Below

Murdoc's Top Ten Murders (True or False) - Answers
10)* False - Though it is perilously close to the plot of "The Assassin"
at the end of season 1, that was a different character.
9)* False - But it coulda happened
8)* True - "Halloween Knights", Nicholas Hellman
7)* False - Of course! That only causes irreversible brain damage
6)* False - Though one does wonder how he got all that stuff (Fork lift, truck, etc.) in "Partners" without anyone objecting
5)* True - "Obsessed". Never change horses in mid-stream, It's deadly in these hour-long dramas
4)* False - But I'm sure he's done much worse than this.
3)* False - Though it is curious how Murdoc was willing to leave Jack out of all further murder attempts. Perhaps he thought it was sadistic enough to leave Jack to make Mac miserable.
2)* True - "Cleo Rocks", Wintergreen
And Murdoc's number one murder:
1)* False - Though he did end the career of entire HIT board with a five and a quarter floppy disk (Alas, the organization recovered)

"It's nice to hear all this professional appreciation, but I happen to be
the target." MacGyver -- Partners

Tuesday May 16th 1995
Top Ten Titles Ernest Pratt Will Probably Never Use For A Legend Novel:
10) Legend and The Post Atomic Holocaust
9) Legend and The Bobbsey Twins' Boise Mystery (alternate title: The Case of the Poison Potato)
8) Centennial
7) Legend Gets Hitched
6) Legend and The Wrath of Q
5) The Pony Express Rider Always Rings Twice
4) Legend and His Moonshine Mama
3) Legend and The Final Problem
2) L is for Legend
And the number one title Ernest Pratt will probably never use for a Legend novel:
1) Legend Does Laramie

"Did he really say he'd drop me?" -- Ernest Pratt

Thursday May 18th 1995
Top Ten Similarities Between "MacGyver" and "Legend"
10) They both have Sidekicks
M: Pete the perpetually unpunctual L: Bartok the Hungarian Conscience
9) They both have Richard Dean Anderson
M: Varying hair lengths L: A moustache
8) Appearance by Old Girlfriends
M: Too numerous to count L: Custer's wife, (but it's early yet)
7) The presence of annoying children
M: Iana (Thief of Budapest) L: Victoria (Birth of a Legend)
6) Comic Relief
M: Jack Dalton L: Skeeter
5) Both Mac and Pratt had previous careers
M: Cab driver, bomb defuser, etc.... L: Reporter
4) Ye Olde Committment Problem
M: Mac has trouble getting close L: Pratt has trouble hanging on
3) Odd Inventions
M: Spur of the moment L: Turn of the century
2) Immortal Nemesis
M: Cool Murdoc L: Bland Caine
And the number one similarity between "MacGyver" and "Legend":
1) The protagonist doesn't use a gun because:
M: Childhood Trauma L: Probably doesn't know how

"So logistically speaking I'll be between you and the bullets."
-- Ernest Pratt ~Birth of a Legend~

Top Ten Reasons UPN Axed Their Entire Schedule
10) New Computer system; accidentally erased schedule. Only one they could remember is Voyager
9) "Pig Sty" just not "Home Improvement"
8) There was a high-level assassination (Klingon code of promotion)
7) "Platypus Man" just not "Murphy Brown"
6) In the case of the sit-coms it was a mercy killing
5) "Marker" just not "Magnum P.I."
4) Some sort of secret deal with the Warner Bros. Network
3) "Legend" just not "Bonanza"
2) Shows too high-brow for target audience (18-34 males) Looking into wrestling, a "Baywatch" rip-off and a sit-com for Rush Limbaugh
And the number one reason UPN axed their entire schedule:
1) The Legend Curse! (It's a powerful thang)

May 30 1995
Top Ten Possible Explanations Of Why Murdoc Never Dies
10) What?! If he was really dead, how could their be sequels
9) He doesn't really exist. He's a figment of Mac's fevered imagination Murdoc episodes are only nightmare sequences. This would explain all the inconsistencies in "Partners", like how Pete and Mac really met (we know it had something to do with a camel and quicksand) and why Mac seems more like Dexter in flashback, than the smart aleck that we knew and loved at the beginning of the series
8) The Highlander Theory -- He's an immortal. You gotta decaptitate him to make it stick. (Thanks to various list folks for this theory, as I wouldn't know Highlander from a hole in the ground)
7) Good genes
6) He's been taking lessons from the great super-villains, Like the Master, Lex Luthor, Moriarty, Miguelito Loveless, Stefano DiMera Wo Fat, Lina Lamont, Negaduck, Janos Skorzeny.... and getting high marks, too
5) Pact with the devil
4) He does die... every time. Then the writers and producers of MacGyver perform an obscure arcane ceremony to bring him back
3) The Forever Knight Theory -- He's a vampire. You gotta pound a stake through his heart. (I do know Forever Knight from a hole in the ground, but if Murdoc's a vampire, he's exceedingly poor at it)
2) Clean living?
And the number one possible explanation of why Murdoc never dies:
1) It's in his contract

"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated." Murdoc -- Partners

Top Ten Possible Roles For Richard Dean Anderson On Deep Space Nine:
10) (Credit to Judy) Appear as a Trill, old lover of Dax', only then Dax was Kurzon and RDA's trill had a female host, and the whole episode takes on the air of a bad French comedy
9) Starfleet troubleshooter, he's there to foil a nasty Cardassian plot with only his wits and the broken bits of an outdated tricorder
8) Odo takes on a new and improved appearance for the week
7) Betazoid hired as counselor for the station, but he has to be thrown off when he reveals the truth: Sisko really doesn't give two figs what anyone on the station is doing
6) Quark's cousin (Hmm.... kind of tall for a Ferengi.)
5) Guest stars as an intinerant tenth-of-a-credit novelist in the next "Q" episode of DS9, and makes the superbeing very nervous with his references to various gadgets... er....inventions
4) Kira's latest boy-toy
3) The new attraction at Quark's. He's a stand-up comedian. The gimmick is that he performs in Venusian, which we all know means communicating entirely with his eyebrows.
2) High level assassin, who finally offs that nasty Kai Wynn. (Yeah, I know, it's a little out of character, but I really want to see her get it)
And the number possible role for RDA on DS9:
1) Flim-flam man, who sells new personalities to everyone at DS9. He's a thousand light years away before they all realize that they're still their same grumpy selves.

"I'm not trying to be mysterious about it, it's just that what I do is
tough to explain." MacGyver -- Jerico Games

"Never tell the same lie twice." Garak -- Deep Space Nine

Murdoc's Top Ten Thanksgiving Day Traditions
10) Watch Thanksgiving day parade; think up evil plots involving large BARNEY balloon
9) Send Penny Parker a bouqet of Black Hellebore
8) Quickly switch off football games; never violent enough
7) Wax nostalgic about the Thanksgiving when he assassinated an unwary ambassador
6) Work on resume to send to new organization C.A.N (Carnage And Naughtiness Inc.)
5) Put fake bomb under Jack's bed. Install camera to catch his reaction
4) Buy all the stovetop stuffing at the local grocery stores, so there won't be any when desperate last minute shoppers go looking
3) Make crank call to Pete's house; tell him the DXS is willing
to pay him a million dollars if he'll come back
2) Make list of 101 creative ways to kill MacGyver (Well, he works on that everyday)
And Murdoc's number one Thanksgiving day tradition:
1) Volunteering at local homeless shelters to strangle Turkeys

"He's not your normal Professional Killer." -- MacGyver ~Widowmaker~

April 1996
Top Ten Reasons That People Flame
10) Really get off on negative attention
9) Nintendo overdose
8) It was an accident; they really meant that for their good friend Bubba (whose address is so similar) who would appreciate the "humor" therein
7) Like to inspire that sick feeling in the pit of other peoples stomachs
6) Their monitors are emitting radiation that causes bad language and misspellings
5) Revere Rush Limbaugh as a demi-god
4) They were deprived of affection as children by really weird parents who chained their child to the computer and made him watch R rated movies over and over and over...
3) Lots of gas and an unwisely lit match
2) AOL not too choosy about who they let use their service (Not to imply that all AOLers are flamers, most of them are decent, good- hearted people who are paying too much.)
And the number one reason that people flame:
1) Not watching enough MacGyver

"I'm into mainframes...com...puters." -- Dexter

November 1996
MacGyver's Top Ten Thanksgiving Traditions
10) Making cranberry sauce into clever shapes
9) Keeping Pete from polishing off the relish tray
8) Authentically recreating voyage of the Mayflower
7) Dressing up like a pilgrim
6) Generously volunteering time at local homeless shelter while simultaneously foiling terrorist bombing attempt
5) Maudlin flashbacks
4) Carving the turkey with a swiss army knife
3) Skipping the Phoenix Foundation Office Party
2) Convincing Jack Dalton that turkeys can't fly
And MacGyver's number one Thanksgiving Tradition
1) Calling all his old-girlfriends

"I've died and gone to thanksgiving." -- Macgyver ~The Outsiders~

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T 'n' T Index

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