October 3rd
1997
Top Ten Simple Things That Distract Brenda
10) MTV
9) Fish Screen Saver at GH
8) Edward in tennis shorts
7) Men
6) Congressional committee hearings
5) Pain-killers
4) Bright shiny objects
3) ABC's new fall line-up
2) Sex
And the number one simple thing that distracts Brenda:
1) Her reflection
"I have
to find something to distract Brenda... something simple." --
Jax
October
14th 1997
Top Ten Signs Alan's On Drugs
10) One brown sock, one black
9) Hasn't had an affair in years
8) Beginning to find Stefan amusing
7) Mood swing every time he gets out of the elevator
6) Sidney The Bear now presiding at Board Meetings
5) Searching Emily's room for leftovers
4) Has instructed Reginald to double his twinkie servings
3) Sometimes sees Brenda Barrett when he looks in the mirror
2) Beginning to see the advantages to having a crime-lord son
And the number one sign Alan is on drugs:
1) Copies of High Times in his waiting room
"What's
that supposed to mean?" -- Dr. Alan Quartermaine
October
1997
Top Ten Ways To Become A RATSA Dignitary
10) Snap up a prime FGC (Like Stefan or Joe Scanlon) and exert
the power of your CEOship
9) Never lower yourself to being involved in a flame war
8) Contribute a regular feature (such as Good Stuff Week In Review,
Top Ten Lists, Cooking with Bobbie.)
7) Preside over the monthly "Newbie Sacrifice" Ceremony
6) Make a web page for your special character; include really
good pictures, complete acting credits and
out-of-context quotes. Mention it casually on RATSA.
5) Throw awesome net.parties and pray the margarita blender doesn't
go on the fritz
4) Get more IDs and put up long responses to your own posts. People
will think you're popular
3) Give people "free stuff"
2) Put mysterious mathematical equations in your sig
And the number one way to become a RATSA Dignitary:
1) Take two valium and forget the whole thing
"Dignity,
always dignity." -- Don Lockwood, ~Singin' In The Rain~
December
31st 1997
Stefan's Top Ten New Year's Resolutions
10) Do something to Luke so he doesn't lose his charming paranoia
9) Make certain that corndogs are never substituted for goulash
in the Hospital Cafeteria again
8) Change locks so Alexis can't get in (and stop pretending that
secret tunnel doesn't exist)
7) Tolerate that Sarah person in hopes Nickolas will try to yell
at her
6) Hire decorator who will gently steer Katherine towards something
tasteful
5) Don't get Helena a mother's day gift
4) Remove Faberge Egg collection (nasty reminder of pointless
plot)
3) Convince Katherine to be married in black
2) Attend the opera more often
And Stefan's number one New Year's Resolution:
1) No more human blood
"Good evening,"
-- Luke Spencer quoting Bela Lugosi
Luke's
Top Ten New Year's Resolutions
10) Goad Stefan into doing something to justify paranoia
9) Make sure no one ever slips an illegitimate kid past him again
8) Give Alexis a key to his liquor cabinet
7) Tolerate Nickolas so Laura doesn't give him those big, sad,
bunny eyes
6) Hire some passable entertainment so Luke's doesn't go under
5) Get Helena a Valentine's Day gift
4) Grow hair out and see if it will take a perm
3) Pay more attenion to my kid. Whatizname?
2) Try not to lie to Bobbie about anything... else
And Luke's number one New Year's Resolution:
1) Get other people to start smoking
"Your choices
are death, death, or me." -- Luke Spencer
Lizzie's
Top Ten New Year's Resolutions
10) Get expelled from Port Charles High
9) Make sure no one catches her being sensitive to Sarah's situation
8) Get into a plot line that includes Jasper Jax (Maybe he could
have an accident and she could do a soliloquy at his bedside)
7) Tolerate Lucky's rudeness until he realizes the inevitability
of romance
6) Learn to throw down apron at Kelly's with the practiced panache
that Karen and Jagger used to have
5) Get up early Easter morning; steal cadbury eggs out of Sarah's
basket (annual resolution since age six)
4) Never reveal her mother's identity
3) Stop torturing Gatsby with little electrified mouse
2) Start Internet support group for siblings of hopeless geeks
And Lizzie's number one New Year's Resolution:
1) Not to let Gram catch her smoking in the house
"You can't
fool me."-- Audrey
Tony's
Top Ten New Year's Resolutions
10) Move out of apartment and back into the brownstone
9) Make sure Carly never gets her hands on his... country CD collection
8) Find out how likely it is Bobbie will take him back
7) Tolerate Lucas' constant "I told you sos"
6) Completely ignore people sniggering behind his back at the
hospital
5) Get very, very drunk on Father's day
4) Get used to the fact that Tonja was the best relationship he'll
ever have
3) Find some other kid to sue for custody over
2) Try not to make the same relationship mistake again... and
again... and again
And Tony's number one New Year's Resolution:
1) Join a monastery
"You can
tell me what the results of the blood test are." -- Dr. Tony Jones
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