January 1st
1997
A.J.'s Top Ten New Year's Resolutions
10) New haircut
9) Try very hard to listen when Keesha speaks to him
8) Hide glee at Ned's marital problems
7) Find out why the rest of the City Council are making twice
what he does
6) Be very nice to Reginald
5) Get Dad's attention
4) Stop spitting spit balls at Mayor during City Council Meetings
3) Try very hard not to let Keesha speak
2) Take over ELQ, once and for all
A.J.'s number one New Year's Resolution
1) Elevate sarcasm to an art-form
"That wasn't
funny, A.J." -- Monica
Taggert's
Top Ten New Year's Resolution
10) Get cozier with D.A. Dara
9) Solve that Damian Smith murder case
8) Find out who poisoned Katherine
7) Stop illegal Gummi Bear trade
6) Solve the Ray Conway murder case
5) Discover what really happened to Alex Garcia and Lily Rivera
4) Find out who shot Katherine
3) Go to no particular effort to find out who tried to kill Sonny
2) Prove by phonetic science that Mac Scorpio is not really Australian
And Taggert's number one New Year's Resolution
1) Devote the year to persecuting Sonny Corinthos
"Emptying bed pans would be a step up from working for Sonny Corinthos."
-- Taggert
December
29th 1996
Sonny's Top Ten New Year's Resolutions
10) Invite Mike over for the Super-Bowl
9) Try not to smirk too much when Brenda comes running back
8) Make special Jax dart-board
7) Explain again to body-gaurds what they are there for
6) Convince Lucy that more basic black is needed in Luke's Decor
5) Explain to staff why Gina's hourly rate is twice as much as
theirs
4) Have Lily's portait painter "taken care of"
3) Find out exactly what his Mob does do
2) Perfect performance of Hamlet's Soliloquy for next Nurses'
Ball
And Sonny's number one New Year's Resolution:
1) Get therapy
"The nucleus
of all neurosis...is the Oedipus complex." -- That Freud dude
December
29th 1996
Jax' Top Ten New Year's Resolutions
10) Wear a different color of Speedo every day
9) Introduce Jerry to some nice girl in Port Charles
8) Find Doctor who can prove that Miranda is clinically alive
7) Explain things more slowly to Brenda
6) Ring Sonny's door bell; run away
5) Win Cuba at Annual Rich People's Card Game
4) Go on epic search for his lost personality
3) Less caffeine
2) Take off shirt more frequently
And Jax' number one New Year's Resolution:
1) Make a decision
"You have
to pick one of us, Jax." -- Nightmare Mirander and Brender
December
29th 1996
Dorman's Top Ten New Year's Resolutions
10) Tempt Lila into infidelity
9) Steal all those experimental drugs for AIDS patients and sell
them on the black market
8) Sue Mercy for hostile working environment
7) Petition that homeless shelter be removed from his neighborhood
6) Live up to the name "Pierce"
5) Hunt endangered species
4) Park in Alan's parking space. (Ooops, been there; done that!)
3) Purloin confections from infants
2) File sexual harrassment charges against himself
And Dorman's number one New Year's Resolution:
1) Take that trip to Canada!
"Dorman,
you bambi killer." -- Damian Smith
Kevin's
Top Ten New Year's Resolution
10) Pay Gail
9) Help Mac through that difficult period when he loses his job
8) Switch to watercolors
7) Remove Felicia from his friends and family calling circle
6) Help Alexis with her briefs
5) Re-establish his status as smartest guy in town
4) Drive the women wild with longer hair
3) Join a grunge band
2) Make Lucy deliriously happy
And Kevin's number one New Year's Resolution:
1) Officially adopt Sigmund
"I don't
know how to respond to that." -- Kevin
December
27th 1996
Tony's Top Ten New Year's Resolutions
10) Re-decorate Brownstone
9) Free Bobbie from Stefan's evil spell
8) Visit Nashville
7) Make back-up list of excuses for not calling Carly
6) Brush-up on Swiss surgical procedures
5) Save up enough money to pay Justus a retainer
4) Free Stefan from Bobbie's evil spell
3) Teach Lucas to appreciate Don Ho
2) Lays... eat just one
And Tony's number one New Year's Resolution
1) No more Mr. Nice Guy
"You've been going on all day long about how wonderful your ex-husband
is." -- Stefan
December
27th 1996
Alan's Top Ten New Year's Resolutions
10) Give Reginald a raise
9) Try very hard not to kill Dorman
8) Get that thug, Sonny, out of Jason's life
7) Don't wince when people say, "Gee, I wish Steve were still
in charge."
6) Say something nice to A.J., once in a blue moon
5) Remember all of his and Monica's anniversaries
4) Kill Dorman! Kill!
3) Learn the Macarena
2) Amuse Emily with Sidney the Bear imitations when she's stoned
And Alan's number one New Year's Resolution:
1) Forget all about corn-dog night in the cafeteria
"That was
self-control." -- Alan
January 4th
1996
Top Ten Things on Which Alan and Monica Agree
10) HMOs are a bad thing
9) Edward has no right to criticize how they raise children
8) Some days the distance to the hospital is shorter
7) The house is hers
6) He gave it to her
5) Drawing and quartering, and subsequently being burned at the
stake, too good for Dorman
4) Safe to tell secrets in lounge when Amy is only a few yards
away
3) Jason is not friendly
2) Emily is wearing too much eyeliner
And the number one thing on which Monica and Alan agree:
1) Sex is the best way to settle an argument
"The line
forms behind me." -- Alan
January
6th 1996
Top Ten Top Ten Lists We Never Wrote
10) Top Ten Ways to Tell Bobbie Apart from an Endocrinologist
9) Top Ten Reasons Garcia and Sonny are the Perfect Couple
8) Top Ten Places Bradley Ward Slept
7) Top Ten Signs Officer Rick is the Stalker
6) Top Ten Things Lois Can Trade for Miguel In South America
5) Mac's Top Ten Flashes of Intelligence
4) Top Ten Signs Reginald is a WSB Agent
3) Sonny's Top Ten Childhood Stories
2) Jason and Keesha's Top Ten Exciting Moments
And the number one Top Ten List we never wrote:
1) Luke's Top Ten Hair Care Tips
"I want
you out of this house." -- Luke Spencer
January
1997
Top Ten Rejected Titles For The GH Spinoff
10) George
9) The Loving City
8) Kevin's Hope
7) Beam Us Up, Scotty
6) I Love Lucy
5) A Half Hour Show About a Medical School and a Few Other Things
We Plan to Throw In
4) The Old and The Thoughtless
3) Miguel Isn't In This
2) War and Peace
And the number one rejected title for the GH Spinoff:
1) Son of General Hospital
"No one
leaves." -- Jax
January
1997
Top Ten Duties of The Cassadine Enterprises Personnel Consultant
10) Interviewing Secretaries to see if they're qualified not to
do anything
9) Helping Stefan find his glasses for those serious "I'm pretending
to be business-like" moments
8) Putting up that Cassadine Enterprises Web Page (http://www.freezetheworld.com)
7) Noting down all of Bobbie's ironically stupid comments
6) Switching easily between Greek and Russian during delicate
personnel negotiations
5) Giving professional opinion that Luke is a few bottles short
of a full bar
4) Indulging in snappy repartee with Alexis
3) Answering that nagging question; where is Helena?
2) Handing over the secret to your father's mathematical formulae
And the number one duty of The Cassadine Enterprises Personnel
Consultant:
1) Categorically denying the Miranda connection
"Are you
going to take it?" -- Lucy Coe
February
9th 1997
Top Ten Reasons PC Citizens Are Mad At Luke And Laura
10) Luke letting people smoke cigars in the middle of his restaurant
9) Laura letting the Charles Street Foundation swing in the wind
8) Lucky leaving Emily to Matt and a full make-up kit
7) Foster taking a bite out of law enforcement
6) L&L never pull the weeds in front of their house
5) The expense everyone went to for black outfits
4) Getting kind of attached to those silly Cassadines
3) Each of them certain they could have been trusted in the plot
2) Getting sick and tired of this "I'm dead...Oh, not really!"
stuff
And the number one reason PC citizens are mad at Luke and Laura:
1) Jealous
"I used
to believe that." -- Ruby
February
9th 1997
Top Ten Reasons Lois Has Come Back To PC
10) Left behind cool sound-proof cradle she designed
9) To Convince D.A. Dara to come to New York and launch that singing
career
8) To give Brenda some much needed advice that will undoubtedly
be ignored
7) Was heading for New Jersey and took a wrong turn
6) Determined to kidnap Ned, take him to California and force
him to wear leather pants
5) Little Brooke Lynn already displaying traits of a Quartermaine.
Needs Ned to help with exorcism
4) Tracy has scared her away from the New York City area
3) To tell him she's fallen in love with that accordion player
and intends to marry him
2) Not really Lois. It's her twin sister
And the number one reason Lois has come back to PC:
1) To tell Ned that Claire LaBine didn't get the GH spinoff
"Blow it
out your ear." -- Lois Cerullo Ashton
March 1997
Top Ten Reasons Mikkos Cassadine Tried To Freeze The World
10) Overly influenced by Batman reruns
9) Tired of ordering servants to go and get a bucket of ice
8) Traumatized by bad case of heat stroke
7) Favorite color: white
6) Greek God Complex
5) Plan to turn world into a tropical paradise was a big bust
4) Helena homesick for Siberia
3) Kevin reason: obviously he was trying to compensate for a lack
of affection at home, while at the same time externalizing that
deficiency by creating a wintry physical environment that mirrored
the emotional history of his family, and surely sexual inadequacy
figures in here some place
2) Secret agent of the Klingon empire
And the number one reason Mikkos Cassadine tried to freeze the
world:
1) To tick off Luke Spencer
"My Uncles
tried to freeze the world. Top that." -- Alexis
March 1997
Bobbie's Top Ten Problems
10) Ex-husband infuriatingly reliable
9) That little tramp Carly trying to take away her title of "Bounciest
hospital employee"
8) Stefan always wandering away in the middle of the night
7) Best friend Monica completely ignoring her, and worse yet it
seems to have nothing to do with the proto-affair with Alan
6) Can't find the right shade of red hair dye anywhere
5) Lucas beginning to see the advantages of the dark side of the
force
4) Bobbie Appreciation Day is fast approaching and she hasn't
ferreted out the plans of The Precision Bobbie Slapping Drill
Team
3) Mrs. Lansbury refuses to learn how to cook corn dogs
2) Luke always has to be right about everything
And Bobbie's number one problem:
1) Going through husbands like they were cheese fries
"Bobbie
has what she wants." -- Carly
April 3rd
1997
Top Ten People Who Might Have Given Felicia The Money and Their
Reasons
10) Maxie, made a million, off of "The Dead Laura Video Game"
and thought she ought to share a bit of the profits with her Mom
9) Tom, just his way of saying he's sorry
8) Mac, his way of making up for letting her do all the work at
The Outback
7) Frisco, back child-support
6) Betty the Babysitter, part of her insidious plot
5) Stefan, trying to distract her from the investigation
4) Sean, getting better, so he sent his "princess" a little present
3) Kevin, only a small part of his intricate masterplan that makes
Stefan's efforts look like the pathetic droolings of a mere child
2) Brenda, mistake, she meant to deposit that to her manicurist's
account. (Those nails were a hell of a job after that cave-in)
And the number one person who might have given Felicia the money
and his reason:
1) Ryan... He's baaaaccck!
"Never...
under any circumstances." -- Felicia
April 16th
1997
Top Ten Reasons We Appreciate Bobbie
10) Nice to have someone around town to tell off Luke
9) Shown us the infinite possiblities of the styles and shades
of red
8) She knows how to make banana smiley-faces the right way
7) Uncanny sense of timing
6) Her amazing motherly instincts
5) The delicious anticipation of her annihilation of Stefan
4) Knows the value of a good slap
3) Provides Carly with a humongous story-line
2) Has never given in to the temptation to pretend to be dead
And the number one reason we appreciate Bobbie:
1) She knows how to tango
"Of course
I trust you." -- Barbara Jean...[snipped]... Cassadine
April 15th
1997
Top Ten Lies Kevin Has Told Lucy
10) My father was a veritable saint
9) I threw away that grungy old shirt you hate
8) I put skim milk in the cappuccino
7) That purse matches that dress
6) I love your cooking
5) Of course that's the duck you bought for Thanksgiving
4) I'm taking up water-colors
3) I mixed up Arizona and London because the bridge is there
2) I'm using my computer to surf the net for other intellectuals
And the number one lie Kevin has told Lucy:
1) I'm feeling much better now
"You're scaring me." -- Lucy
April 15th
1996
Top Ten Reasons We Adore Stefan and Katherine
10) You wouldn't catch Stefan dead in icky pastels
9) Katherine, has the sheer bravery to wear that particular color
green without flinching
8) Stefan letting his masterplan go to hell in a handbasket for
the sake of love, nicely furthering Luke's agenda
7) Katherine never likely to eat fried chicken in bed with Stefan.
(It'll be caviar, baby...all the way)
6) Relationship likely to kill Nickolas' last iota of faith
5) Still getting a good giggle out of Stefan getting Katherine
mixed up with a tree and shooting her (How appropriate
a tree should now be their symbol)
4) Immortal lines, "Let me go.", "Let me stay." "Let me go." ...
3) The spark, the passion, the romance... oops, our mistake we're
thinking of Kevin and Lucy
2) At least when they're on we don't have to endure the Sonny/Brenda
Musical Partners game
And the number one reason we adore Stefan and Katherine:
1) Lingering brain-damage from fifteen years of Days viewing
April 28th
1997
Top Ten Reasons We're Looking Forward to "Port Charles"
10) Some cool new sets
9) Jagger top ten lists
8) Lucy's choices so entertaining: Shifty Shyster or Psycho Shrink
7) Drooling at the thought of slapping our FPC on whatever character
turns out to be the most unpopular
6) Not wasting enough video tape now
5) Can't wait to start that "Send in a Watermelon Campaign" to
force them to put Scotty Baldwin and Rhonda Wexler together
4) Nikolas might decide to give his Uncle the brush-off and enroll
in Medical School
3) Two and a half Bobbie-free hours a week
2) Heard they'll be giving away "free stuff"
And the number one reason we're looking forward to "Port Charles"
1) All the rubbish in half the time
"Coming up on the next General Hospital." -- Ending Announcement
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